About Goals

I completed all of my 2017 resolutions, here's what I found out about goal-setting.

By AnhPhuong

January 1^st, 2018

Why you should read on

On the 31st December 2016, my mum's birthday, I jotted down what I want for 2017 in a sticky note on my desktop. Yesterday, the 31st December 2017, I realized that all of my 2017 resolutions have been completed. This is the very first time that I experienced that feeling of contentment at the end of a year.

"If you want something that you've never had, you have to do things you've never done" was what going through my mind when I wrote down my 2017 goals in 2016. I changed the way I look and think about the goals, and undeniably my 2017 was completely different from any other year as a consequence.

Today, the first day of 2018, I want to share with you my friends, what I found out as key lessons about goal-setting.

MY 2017 goals

Before we go into the learnings, here are my 2017 goals.

Develop 12 leaders, 9 kids at #Thong, 2 of my fellow #Thong leaders, and myself included
Bridge the gap between myself and a future BM, this year I want to improve analytical and decision-making skills.
When in stressful situation, I can be fully functional by myself, and not depend on any other being.

Now let's get to the main points.

Sits on my desktop every day for 330 or so days, until my computer disk burnt up one November :'(

1. FORGET S.M.A.R.T GOALS

Every year I used to Google "How to set year resolutions" and everyone would suggest me keeping S.M.A.R.T in check. I always ended up with a list of numerical to-do lists that I care little about. Like running how many times a week, spending how many hours on this skill and that.

For 2017, before writing down things I want for the year, I read something that changed my life completely for the better: Things that matter cannot be a number, and things with numbers do not matter.

All of my goals, therefore, are not destinations, but simply directions. Destinations can't be expected, especially at an era where everything is changing at such pace. And by committing to a future destination, you are setting yourself for a feeling of failure already. And as you start to fail your year resolution one or two days, you can start feeling like you never want to do this anymore.

This is not a destination, this is a journey

Things that matter cannot be a number, and things with numbers do not matter.

S.M.A.R.T goals give us the delusion that we have to achieve something, or reach some amount of things, to feel like a year has passed with meaning. And to me, that is weirdly far from how life actually works. You should be able to enjoy the moment you're in, live every day better and smarter than the last, and keep going as long as it is in the right direction. After all, goals should help us live better, not feeling miserable every year-end.

2. Goal-setting is the art of making choices

I only have 3 goals for all 2017. Since my goals are more directions than destinations as mentioned earlier, it is important that I remember them. That way, every time I have to make a decision or when faced with an opportunity, I could ask myself: "Is it in line with what I want out of 2017?" Since having only three goals to recall, I was able to choose between A and B pretty quickly and to define which opportunity to grab, which to let go.

"I want a lotta thing in my life? How can I put it down to only three?" - you ask. Me having 3 goals does not mean that you have to as well. But you should keep it as small as possible, because well, there will be moments that you have to really swiftly take action and you can't just pull out an A4 paper of goal listing before you decide.

Therefore, to me setting goals is about making choices. Between what matters in your life and what doesn't.

Setting goals is about making choices between what matters in your life and what doesn't.

Then, what matters?

I can't define for you, but for me, it has always been developing my skills and characters, devoting for my people, sharpening my values.

No titles and achievements stay relevant for long. Flashy things impress people in a short stint, while their span of attention and memory is limited. A few years from now what they are going to remember is what you meant to them and how you made them feel. A few years from now, what is going to stay with you and never leave is your characters, values, and skills.

What doesn't matter?

Anything that you can live without, count that as one thing that doesn't matter.

To go anywhere worth going, you have to be very clear of your direction and what you're going to get in the near future. You also have to be clear on what you can let go to get what you want.

For years I set a goal to run in the park at 5 every morning. Each time I could only endure for a week. Being fit was never what I actually care about, I only needed to be healthy enough to stay mentally alert throughout the day.

You only have a certain amount of hours for yourself every day, and to me, quality time alone is incredibly significant to a young person building their characters. In these hours, you can only choose one thing in a period of time to focus on. This is where you decide what you're willing to give up in order to gain something of substance.

Flashy things impress people in a short while but their span of attention and memory is limited. A few years from now what they are going to remember is what you meant to them and how you made them feel.

Anything that you can live without, count that as one thing that doesn't matter.

3. WHEN GOALS LOOK LIKE TO-DO LISTS, THEY’RE NOT GOALS

One of my best friends quit making resolutions after falling short of all promises year on year. An example of his goals was to "Quit smoking", but he was never close to achieving it. Why?

Meanwhile, many men and women I knew who quit smoking did so after having their first child. The reason they quit smoking was that: they finally have a reason.

So try to keep your goals less of a to-do, and more of something that you really care about. That's why I suggest him to find out why he wanted to quit smoking, and wrote it down. If he wanted to quit because he want to "Be healthy", not only will he quit smoking, but all of his other unhealthy habits will be shifted towards that direction.

Another example was when I joined P&G as an intern in July. Since I didn't list P&G as a goal, but listed the skill I want instead (Original Goal: "Road to BM: Analytical, Decision-making, Strategic planning"), it helps me optimize the experience to the maximum. The first month when I forgot my objectives, I was totally lost in the company and delivered very poorly on my project. The next month, after some serious reflection, I made sure to apply those skills into my jobs every day and finally ended the internship on a good note.

Habits and To-dos do not form out of nowhere, it has to have a clear reason supporting it. Those reasons should be your goals.

If I had only listed "Become a P&G intern" as a goal I wouldn't achieve as much learning as I did.

Conclusion

Thinking of your goals as buddies, that can support each other to go the long way. Your goals should be both achievable enough and inspirational enough to help create positive motivations for you every day. The relationship you have with them should based on a meaningful objective that you both respect.

The number of goals should be as small as possible so you can recall any of them in moments that require a decision.

After establishing such objectives, put it somewhere that you can easily see every day. At the same time, set a reoccurring meetings with yourself to regularly reflect on those goals. Monthly, quarterly, half a year, anything works.

That's it! Have fun making goals and achieving them guys!

before you go ...

If this post has helped you in anyway, I would love to know how did it help you in the comment! If it did not, feel free to send me a message about your situation or if you have a better way to set these goals.

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